**YAWN**  I am tired! The holidays always wear me out, and I can't wait until things get back to normal. Today I worked on some core exercises. Did 3x15 rowing squats. Not a fan on squats, but necessary. I am in limbo with no gym at the moment. Gotta figure that out. Until then gotta do my best to get a good workout at home!!!!Thought about taking a trip to the mall, and do some walking there. Haven't decided, stay tuned to see what I end up doing today.

Xmas Rant!

I have had the beauty to work in retail. Firsthand I had to hear about you have to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Xmas, WTF! So here is how I feel about that.


It's a CHRISTMAS TREE!!! Not a HOLIDAY TREE!

It's Xmas Eve, I am sitting here, actually wanting xmas to hurry up and be over. Before I continue, I need some humor.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Ahhh, now that we got that out of the way. This cold is the longest cold ever. This week should have been the start of some serious workouts, but my body had another plan.  This week there was NO self control. As emotions have gotten the best of me, it has been tough.  Job loss, wedding, having to tell my boss at my part-time job to fuck off. She had to be put in her place after some serious disrespect. My life right now is anything but normal. All the while I am sick too. So as we get to 2010, I gotta figure out what I need to do different. Everytime I get ready to get it poppin on the fitness some BS pops off. Am I meant to be a fattie forever??

I think I got the swine flu!!!

I just playin, but I do have a cold though. Do I have good news to report? No not really. I did not run a million miles today, and ate great as I should have. Something about being sick that really screws wit cha and makes your mind focus on your immediate comfort.

Now I know those of you who are holding me accountable are thinking, SMH!!!  I am thinking that too friends, but I can't beat myself up over it today. Meanwhile, at the batcave..........................I am in limbo with my gym. L.A. Fitness has a bunch of morons working for them. I am trying to get out of there so fast.  I thought about wasting my time complaining to the BBB, who is the hell has time for all that?? Not this guy. Should I add them to my list of companies and/ or individuals I would like to be within 100 ft with matches and a gas can? I think I should. I am now entertaining Gold's Gym. Nothing like CARDIO  THEATRE!!!!

As I am sitting here blogging, I should be sleeping. The drugs ain't kicked in yet. Here is my funny of the day:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Today I am going to do my best

This morning as I sip on my coffee before work, I am looking for things to pack so I do not eat out, so I was trying to recap what Dave was telling me about food choices. So, I packed some almonds, an apple, some whey protein, and I am going to eat some oatmeal. I need to stay away from bad carbs, white bread, potatoes, fried foods. If I get the itch to eat something out it can only be Subway or Jimmy John's NEED TO RESIST McDonald's at ALL COSTS!!!  I am still struggling with discipline. I am also going to make good use of my resistance band, these exercises are easy and there is no excuse in me not getting them done. No matter what get the workouts in!!!!!!!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Today's workout-I rocked the resistance band today, I figured I might as well use this thing.

Upright Row- 1x10
Lateral Raises 3x8
Shoulder Press=3x8

Jog 0.96 miles 15mon29sec

Not a great workout, I cancelled my gym membership because L.A.Fitness just can't get it right with my billing. Had enough, so I gotta workout at home for a couple weeks. Ughhhh gonna have to compromise.

3 x 8 Lateral Raise

3 x 8 Lateral Raises

Toooooday

Well peeps, yesterday was a better day. Didn't get the work out in, so decided to keep calories down to about 1500. Finals and 15 page research paper, which btw I rocked a 95%. I always come through in the clutch with the papers. So today, I am going to rock a workout. It's almost warm enough to run outside, but I don't wanna dirty my pretty running shoes. I know what you are thinking, pussy. Whatever, if you are the hater, I got 30 pairs of shoes in like new condition. What! So I think I am going to gym it. I was sore last week for like 4 days after my upperbody workout. Gotta stay on my BCAA's this week. Checkin later peeps!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

So today is FOR REALZ!

As I sit here and work on a final exam, I realize I only atte oatmeal for breakfast. It was a good idea to eat something else. Today is not going as planned. Didn't expect to spend today all day finishing up the semester. So I ran down real quick and had a banana and a handful of almonds. Guess it is better than other choices I could have made......McD's is right around the corner, but we won't do that. Staying true. Hope to get that workout in later today.....Check back in later.....

5 days later

So it has been 5 days, and I am still not handling the job lost very well. I have all these emotions and thoughts on the direction I should take my life. Exactly 1 day before I was let go, I was stoked about getting going again on working out and eating right, and I have had a vey hard time getting on board again. Yesterday I went to the gym. LOOKY! I am still working on trying to meal plan and get into a groove. I hope I can get it going soon!!!

Unemployed

Yesterday I lost my job. I have mixed emotions about it. It is not the best time of the year to deal with it either. I am off th gym and will post more on this later.

Accountability

So there are some people that I need to report to for accountability for me in reaching my fitness goals. So those of you who I sent this link to, you are in the right place. Those of you that are new to reading this blog will get to see all the dimensions of my personality. Feel free to comment as you would like. CAVEAT: I am going to say things yoy may not like or agree with. It's my blog and I won't be censoring myself for those who may may be sensitive. Welcome to the blog folks.

Wow! It has been awhile since I have blogged. I am back friends. I am going through some of the most difficult times in my life. Times where difficult decisions have to be made. I thought about not really going deep into my thought processes, but that would not be keeping it real with ya'll. These lyrics are how I feel today,

Hello? Aw shit, nigga. What the fuck time is it, man?Oh god damn. Nigga do you know what time it is?Aw shit, what the fuck's goin' on? You alright?Aw, nigga what the fuck is wrong wit you?)When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hellCause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tellIt don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodiesDressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodiesGod will probably have me on some real strict shitNo sleepin' all day, no gettin my dick lickedHangin' with the goodie-goodies loungin' in paradiseFuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot diceAll my life I been considered as the worstLyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purseCrime after crime, from drugs to extortionI know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortionShe don't even love me like she did when I was youngerSuckin' on her chest just to stop my fuckin' hungerI wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my liesMy babies' mothers 8 months, her little sister's 2Who's to blame for both of them (naw nigga, not you)I swear to God I want to just slit my wrists and end this bullshitThrow the Magnum to my head, threaten to pull shitAnd squeeze, until the bed's, completely redI'm glad I'm dead, a worthless fuckin' buddah headThe stress is buildin' up, I can't,I can't believe suicide's on my fuckin' mindI want to leave, I swear to God I feel like death is fuckin' callin' meBut naw you wouldn't understand (nigga, talk to me please)You see its kinda like the crack did to Pookie, in New JackExcept when I cross over, there ain't no comin' backShould I die on the train track, like Remo in BeatstreetPeople at the funeral frontin' like they miss meMy baby momma kissed me but she glad I'm goneShe knew me and her sista had somethin' goin' onI reach my peak, I can't speak,call my nigga Chic, tell him that my will is weak.I'm sick of niggas lyin', I'm sick of bitches hawkin',matter of fact, I'm sick of talkin'.(BANG)

Suicidal Thoughts by Biggie Smalls

That is powerful I know.

At some point in life you figure out that you were destined to consistently be screwed over or rewarded with good things. I have decided I recieve few rewards in life. Some ppl just get the crap hand of cards in life, and I am the winner!!!!!! It didn't take just a couple of things in my life to come to this realization. It took a series of bad events over many years to come to this conclusion. Some people just have the good coming to them all the time, I am not that guy. I am the guy who has to work twice as hard as other only to receive minimal or no reward. No matter how hard I work.

My fiancee is the example of this goodness. She gets so many blessings in life. I will admit I am a bit jealous. It gets me thinking why do some people have to work so hard to get blessed with things, or work at hard and get none at all. Now dot think for a second that she is not deserving of what has come to, because she certainly has.

I have spent all my life trying to please others and make them happy. I thought trying to be the good guy and following the rules would pay off. So far it has not. I have made decisions to try to save relationships with others. When can I make decisions to save myself?

Living with chronic illness while working 2 jobs and goig to school is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it is taking it's toll. When 3 Dr's tell you, if something does not change fast, you are going to die. How are you suppose to react to that information. Especially when you are depend and are dependent upon to be a strong provider. What I would give to take some time off, and focus on getting my health back. So many responsibilities make this impossible. Everyone still wants their money regardless of what is going on in your life. Am I doomed to continue this path?