Change. Boy We Have Problems

Hello my blogger friends!! This may be one of hardest blog posts I have had to write ever. I am not blogging just to show you guys all the good times and fun. Life isn't all good times and fun, there are some struggles. This blog is to share maybe? Is this a good vent? Will someone enlighten me with some great comments? Who knows...but here goes.....I suffer from major depression: In case you know nothing about it, Read below.

Overview

Major depression is when a person has five or more symptoms of depression for at least 2 weeks. These symptoms include feeling sad, hopeless, worthless, or pessimistic. In addition, people with major depression often have behavior changes, such as new eating and sleeping patterns.

Symptoms

• Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
• Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
• Extreme difficulty concentrating
• Fatigue and lack of energy
• Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
• Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
• Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (such as sex)
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping

Depression can appear as anger and discouragement, rather than as feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. If depression is very severe, there may also be psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations and delusions. These symptoms may focus on themes of guilt, inadequacy, or disease

Now you may be like shit! This guy has some issues. That may be truth, but read on....

i just wanna be,
i just wanna be,
successful.
i just wanna be,
i just wanna be,
successful.
i just wanna be,
i just wanna be,
successful.

Yeah,
i want things to go my way,
but as of late a lot of shit been goin sideways,
and my mother tried to runaway from home,
but i left somethin in the car so i caught her in the driveway,
and she cried to me so i cried too,
and my stomach was soakin wet,
she only 5′2,
and 48 hours all before i showed up,
and brought a thousand dollas worth of drinks and got poured up,
damn my reality just set in,
and even when the phantoms leased them hoes wanna get in,

i do a lot of things,
hopin i neva have to fit in,
so tryin to keep up with my programs is like a dead end,
my girl love me but fuck it my heart beat slow,
and right now the tour bus is lookin like a freak show,
and life change for us every single week,
so whats good,
but i know this aint the peak though
cause i want…

I want the money,
money and the cars,
cars and the clothes,
the hoes,
i suppose,
i just wanna be,
i just wanna be,
successful.
i just wanna be,
i just wanna be,
successful.
i just wanna be,
i just wanna be,
successful.

This song describes the current state of my mind right now. For some reason I can't wrap my arms around what it takes to get to where I want to go. Do I have noting? No. I have a car many ppl would like to have. I have a decent job. Many people would at least like to have a job. I have my girl. I want more. I am tired of working for the man. I want to work for myself. I want to do what makes me happy, instead I do what everyone else wants me to, or to please them.

So you are probably thinking what can you possibly be unhappy about? Plenty. I have a past that haunts me, sorry folks, you do not get those details. It seems people always have an opinion on what they think is going on, and they happen to be wrong. Everyone seems to know why I do or don't do things, or why I am the way that I am.

I have never just been able to focus on myself. I just want to be successful.

NEXT BLOG! What am I going to do about it??